Over the past few weeks, people have been asking me if I was afraid. I would respond nah, it’ll be just a stroll,in the park. Then when I tell them I’m going solo they outright dismiss me and call me crazy.
Well the truth is, the closer I get to starting, the level of fear and excitement are both increasing dramaticallly.
I’m not gonna lie, even after the enormous amount of planning and preparing I have done for this hike, I still am just facing this absolutely gigantic beast of an achievement eye to eye. All kinds of questions are racing through my head. What if I don’t make it? What if I only get part of the way through? What if I get injured while I’m out there? Did I bring enough cold gear stuff?
Especially with all the cold weather I have heard about on the news the past few days, it’s gotten me a little paranoid. However, throughout my life I have had minor versions of this paranoia come surging through my every limb.
Generally, I have to take this enormous amount of fear and conquer it in two steps, what I like to call:
What I have always done in the subduing phase is start by calming myself down by reminding myself why it is I am doing this crazy ass idea. If that’s not enough to help, I start talking to other people. Seeking advice, or pity in some cases. This is usually the hardest step in the sense that you are generally dealing with the most emotional part of your adversity, what feels like the highest peak, or the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.
Once you have pushed away the initial fears, it’s time to grow a pair of God Damn horns, put your head down, and charge that goal like you want to turn it into a bloody pulp. Be stubborn, be arrogant, don’t let your head the best of you. Become an absolutely ferocious animal and do whatever it is you gotta do to see it done. Generally this phase lasts for a few weeks to months depending on what it is you are doing.
[I remember back in my 2nd year of engineering school, I was so worried about not being able to pass my classes that first semester, that I actually started looking into mechanic schools so that I could go turn wrenches. After talking to a lot of people, they eventually talked me out of dropping out of engineering school and losing my scholarship and encouraged me to at least keep trying. I was about to jump the gun without thinking twice. Needless to say I am very grateful for finishing out my degree ( and for the people who told me not to back down 🙂 you know who you are).]
I got a lot of people back home watching me through this blog, and I got a lot of miles to cover for myself. I will give this my best attempt. If my dumb ass could get through engineering school I can get through anything.